Ribs!

Last night I was in Boulder for the rib eating contest at the Rib House.


The contest, from 5pm to 8pm, was divided in to 3 heats. Everyone had 20 minutes to eat all of the racks of baby backs they could. About 2.5 pounds of meat per rack. But the racks were not weighed. The contest results went only by the rack and rib count.


As eaters showed up they would be put in the heat that went next. I was in the first heat. There were 5 of us. Tactical error: being the first heat.

I got off to a great start. Getting through the first rack in just under 4 minutes. And the ribs: dry rub only, super tender, super flavorful, and super delicious.


At about halfway through the 2nd rack, I – as is my “thing” – began chipmunking big time, not swallowing, and getting all backed up. I ended up with 2 1/3 racks. Another guy in the heat also finished with 2 1/3. So after our heat we were tied for 1st.


There were just 2 people in the 2nd heat. One of them did 2 ½. The other guy just started his 2nd rack, so he finished with 1+. Me: now tied for 2nd.

In the last heat, 6 people. One of whom was Jon. A couple of the others had 2, so I was still tied for 2nd. Until Jon’s total: 3+. He did not go all that fast, just pretty much the same rate throughout.


Since there were only prizes for 1st and 2nd, me and the dude tied for 3rd (no need for a tie-breaker eat-off). The other guy tried really hard to make us and the 2nd place guy do a three-way face off for 2nd place. And he almost got his wish. But I am glad he didn’t because it was pretty obvious that 2nd place had out-eaten us by two or three ribs. His argument was the guy in 2nd stuffed his mouth so much at the end and took too long to swallow. Well, 2nd place had stuffed and 2nd place did take a few minutes to swallow after the bell, but there was no rule about that. Get over it! [note: they made a rule for future contests – you have 2 minutes to swallow what’s in your mouth; not clear by 2 minutes = judged deduction]

What I can’t get over is my eat. I don’t like shouldas, and same with couldas, but... Chipmunking cost: probably could have finished that 3rd rack. At the end of 20 minutes I could have eaten more – I hate it when that happens – leave it all on the field. I think Jon would have still won, but I should have been in the money.

Why am I still chipmunking, STILL, after 5+ years?