TOFC: Pizza & Ribs

I thought there was no way I would ever think there is a worse eating contest format for me than first-to-finish. But I think I found one. More on that later.


Mama Roni's pizza eating contest was on the first day of the Taste of Fort Collins. And the contest was the opening act for Ed Kowalcykz.

10 of us took to the stage and filed behind the contest table. We each opened a pizza delivery box inside of which was a large cheese pizza. The win, place, and show would be decided by the order of who finished first, second, and third. Not my favorite format when the food item to be eaten is so tasty and delicious - as this pizza is - that it would be easy for anyone to eat it all.

There was pre-contest talk about not giving the contestants water during the eating. That would maybe have been a very bad idea. So the guys from Mama Roni's relented and each eater got two tiny bottles of water, and an eater could bring up another beverage if they wanted.


On GO right away the tall guy and Tuna began fast. I mean fast. Robin inhaled his slice innards leaving the 8 crusts for last. Tuna did entire pieces. The race for 1st and 2nd was right there. Robin finished the innards first, but he had 8 crusts at the end that he had to get down. Robin was finishing his last crust when Tuna was finishing his last slice. It came down to the last couple of swallows. But Robin got it all down right before Tuna did. It was tight for 3rd as well but I pulled it out.


Day two was a Texas Roadhouse rib eating contest. Or rather 2 of them. Each mini-contest had 8 eaters. The organizers were making up the rules as they went along, and they decided on two minute contests to be decided by counting bones. Two minutes with a debris food? How clean is clean?


Terrible format. But the eaters in the first contest, me in it, filed on stage. We each got a plate of ribs and a bottle of water. It was unclear that the girl giving the GO countdown was giving the actual countdown, so on GO we were all kind of looking at her for a second. Then we started. Delicious ribs. I really hated the format because I would have loved to eat the deliciousness for longer than two minutes. At the finish of two minutes I tied for 3rd. The two guys that tied for 1st had to have a 30 second eat-off to break their tie. The guy supplying the ribs gave me more ribs. I thought "Am I in the eat-off?" I didn't think I was, but I should have eaten in it because I bet they would have allowed it and I could have had a shot at 1st. But oh well.

Bono was there. And the Edge.


How hip is my 77-year-old mother-in-law? She asked the name of the band. I didn't know. Some U2 tribute band. Her response? "Oh, maybe their name is U3"! 77! Cracking off beauties like that!!