Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Yesterday it was off to Nederland. Every year they celebrate Frozen Dead Guy Days. Long story short there is a guy in Nederland who has his dead grandfather in a shed behind his house. He is kept nice and cold via dry ice - how nice - in hopes that he can be re-animated one day. Me, T-bonz, and Mommye went not for the dead guy but for the rocky mountain oyster eating contest.

Last year at the rocky mountain oyster contest I ended up 2nd. The RMOs were baked last year. Scary. In 2009, there were two qualifying heats and the top 2 from each heat went on to the final round. I was 2nd in my heat, and 2nd in the finals.


But that was last year. This year, I really was hoping the RMOs would not be baked but rather fried. Baked are faster than fried, yes, but you tasted WAY too much, uh, you know. When I got there, I found out they would be fried! And, the format of the contest would be 3 qualifying heats, and the winner of each heat would go to the finals. As last year too, not the ideal format for me because first-to-finish comes down to swallowing size more than anything and that's not my strength.

In the qualifying heats each competitor had a plate with 3/4 pounds of RMOs fried in strips. I was in the 1st heat with a normal guy, plus a BIG guy, and a guy who had won a couple of these before. I got a spot at the end of the table so I could watch them as they ate and react accordingly. I do not know how long I took to finish - it seemed like forever - but I got a good start and stayed narrowly ahead and won the heat by edging out the previous winner. The big guy was not even close. The RMOs were very chewy and the breading was pretty thick. I had to get down a lot of water to choke them down.


The big guy and the previous winner

Heat #1


Heat #2. A dunking Asian Sensation. Some dude who broke the RMOs into small bits. Neither of them won. The winner was a guy, who like me, just ate and chased with water to swallow them down.

In heat #3 there were three women and three other guys. The women did well, but the winner was a guy who could pretty much put one in, chew a couple of times, and swallow it down. He didn't really have to hit the liquid. Uh oh.

Goatee guy won heat #3

Heat #3


About 20 minutes after my heat, the three winners of each heat took the stage. For the final round we each got a plate of 1/2 pound. On go, the winner of heat #2 wasn't a factor. It was me and the heat #3 winner going testicle-to-testicle. I think he was toying with me. It had to be funny to see me furiously biting and watering and chipmunking and then him calmly putting the RMO in his mouth, chewing a couple of chews, and swallowing it down. Half of my final RMO was fatty, or gristly, or veiny, or something. We both finished our plates at the same time, but I had a bit stuffed in my cheeks so he cleared first and won.

But I don't feel too bad about it because the winner is in the Army. He recently got back from Nam. I mean, the other quagmire, Iraq. He served 2 consecutive tours. So while I've been picking dingleberries off my butt he's been making life and death decisions.

Before the finals

In the finals

Finals over



2nd place

I will upload some video too.

Thanks to T-bonz for getting some good photos and video despite the conditions. Inside the pub the lighting and the raucous crowd made for some tough photo-taking conditions.