dogsarefunyes

Frank is taunting T-bonz. Like the past five times T-bonz goes to take a shower, Frank does something. Well, it might be all Max and Frank has been taking the fall. You remember a couple of weeks ago someone tore into a box of powdered potatoes - on my watch. I salvaged what I could into some Tupperware containers. Frank and/or Max said "Bring it, byotch". And:

How did she and/or they open the container?!?

Even more confusing is this:
Last I checked, dogs do not have opposable thumbs.

Napoleoh

Last night I Rocked the Bar Louie Tots. If you were following me on Twitter you'd already know this.

Rocked to a 2nd place finish. And I think I felt the worst I've felt after any other contest (and STILL feel pretty shitty).

I got to the Denver Bar Louie at about 6:30 for the 8pm start. Wanted to be sure I got in the 2nd annual edition - and that turned out not to be a problem as up until a few minutes to 8 there were only 3 of us entered. But a couple last minute guys ponied up, and a bar employee, so the field was 6. Four of them I wasn't worried about. I only was worried about me and the 410 pound bar regular (who went by the unassuming nickname of Tiny - but yo yo yo in honor to B.I.G. I refer to him as Biggie). Biggie works at the all-you-can-eat-Churrascaria Texas de Brazil and it shows.

So a little after 8 we're introduced and called up on stage. A DJ stage that could hold maybe 4 of me-sized people. But we have the emcee, two tables, 6 chairs, 5 eaters, oh - and Biggie. It was tight. The bar employee who ate was dangling of the edge. 10-9-8 and we're off. It felt like slow-motion, and as the totals show it was slow-motion. We had one-pound baskets of tots in front of us and a pint of water. Judges would replace baskets and water as needed.

At just over a minute in, Biggie gets basket #2. Followed by me a few seconds later, and HT. Then HT essentially stopped, and the other 3 too so clearly it was Biggie and me. He gets basket #3 at 3:30 in, then I go to #3 a few seconds later. After a few handfuls on #3, he's ready to blow. But he keeps it under control. Barely. He stares at me. I stare at him. Him. Me. Him. Me. 10 seconds. Stuff. Chipmunk. Blow? No. Go. When 0 is called, I throw in the basket the ball of mush in my hand.

The final tally:
Biggie: 2lb 7.1oz
Me: 2lb 7.0oz
Hungry Trucker: 1lb 8.4oz
Santo Domingo: 1lb 2.0oz
Some dude: 1lb+
Bar employee: 5oz

Yeah, sucks to lose by .1oz but I got over the heartbreak really quickly because before we started the prize up for grabs was announced: $250 gift card to Bar Louie and free tots for a year. No trophy. When I thought the prize was $250 cash, free tots, and a trophy - well, that got my attention. As you know, I want hardware. Screw the money and infamy. Besides, Biggie - since he worked down the block - could make better use of the gift card and free tots. The place is a bit too hipster dufusy for me, so going back would mean going way out of my way. Winning would have been a nice addition to my other wins, but it is what it is.

Big Sexy went to the Bar Louie in Westminster. He got beat down by the defending champion from last year, Mike McAvoy. Sexy lost by a less-nail-bitingly-close 2.5oz.

For the 3rd year, take notes Bar Louie people. The tots really sucked. Word is last year they were salty as hell. This year they were not salty, but they were really really really oily and greasy. I mean, really really really badly. I ate by having my water in my left hand, and tots in the right hand. With every handful, I was wringing out the grease. So was Biggie, and that might have been a factor in his blowing, Biggie-style, right after the end of the 5 minute post-eating wait window. Sure, I could have feigned some dry heaves and he undoubtedly would have reversed and I would have won the thing, but that's not how I roll. One more thing, judge. Be consistent. On my first basket I didn't clean it out totally before getting #2. But to get #3 the judge made me clean each bit from the basket. Maybe same with Biggie, but I only know what went on with me. One more: the tots totally disintegrated into Tot bits. Don't know how. So we weren't reaching for handfuls of tots, but handfuls of hash brown bits.

And going in I didn't really like the 6-minute contest time. 6, to my mind, borders on the speed vs. capacity line. Speed, not really my strong point. If the contest had been 8 minutes I know he would've blown or stopped. Win for me then. Again, it is what it is.

A bartender was Flipping the contest. And I have a few pictures.

I've Found It!

Last week T-bonz and I road tripped down to Albuquerque, New Mexico for a Morrissey concert (more on that later). The food in that part of the country kicks ass, so I had to get a couple of notable eats in.

First up:

Bert's Burger Bowl in Santa Fe was featured on an episode of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. For 54 years they've been doling out green chile cheeseburgers. They have all kinds of burgers - ostrich, lamb, Kobe beef - but they are famous for their deliciously simple green chili cheeseburger.

Meat, lettuce, tomato, pickles, mustard, and green chile. Between a bun. Sounds good!

Sounds good. Too bad mine was not bad but not achingly good either. Couldn't taste the individual ingredients. Sort of bland. And the bun was warmed on the flat top - but it became hard, almost like a stale hard. Obviously I didn't get a real representation of their burger, because mine was nothing to write home about.

World famous? Based on my one experience:

I gave it a rating just over 60%. Sure, it wasn't good really, but it's a burger place. They had an eating challenge until 2008 when they discontinued it. Dang.

This had no impact on their rating:

(Note the soap dispenser. YIKES!)

Now for something completely different...

In Albuquerque, the Standard Diner.

We had to eat before the show, so we stopped here. We had no idea what to expect. A diner. Meatloaf. Samwiches. Mashed potatoes. But it turns out Guy visited here too on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. The decor and menu: definitely hipster doofus to the max, but we went in anyway. Wine? Weird lettuce? Words like 'brioche' and 'Gruyere'? I'm thinking this will suck! But suck it did not!

In fact, I had the Bulldog Burger. And it is - without a doubt - the best burger I've ever had. No - it's the best thing I've ever eaten at a restaurant! Seriously. I know I've raved about the applewood bacon burgers at Chili's and a BBQ burger at Jim 'n Nicks, and those could be #2 or #3, but #1 is totally the Bulldog Burger at the Standard Diner in Albuquerque, New Mexico!

It's 1/2 pound of fresh (never frozen) Black Angus beef, char-grilled, topped with cheddar, red onion, tomato, lettuce. And the tastiest New Mexico roasted green chile. And the bun. Brioche? I don't know. But, OMG!!!

No more words. Just go get one! I would kill or die to eat this burger again.

And to check out the photo gallery of Bert's and the Standard Diner, click here.

What's For Dessert?

Check this. 17 Foods With The Most Caloric Bang For Your Buck.

http://www.manolith.com/2009/04/19/17-foods-with-the-most-caloric-bang-for-your-buck/

Post-burrito Update

I did the big burrito challenge yesterday, finishing at like 12:30pm or so. I did not eat anything else that day. Had some water but nothing else.

This morning, just hot cocoa. More water. A butterscotch candy. I will have a little lunch - maybe a can of tuna, before getting in a workout at Anytime Fitness. Dinner, some chicken stew and fresh orange and yellow bell peppers.

Back to normal?

Another...

The burrito. It's a bitch. It's my bitch, byotch.

What burrito, you are saying? This one:

Rojas Mexican Restaurant in Pueblo, Colorado. Then burrito, while huge, is extremely flavorful. Like when I ate the burger at Digger's Diner I was amazed that a super sized food item can be more delicious than a similar normal sized item. The ground beef filling - tasty and spiced just right. Rice on the side. Tomato, lettuce, and cheese on top of the burrito. Smothered in some really good chile. The refried beans were perfect, just the way I like them - runny. But the little thing that added so much flavor were the fresh jalapeno slices liberally laid inside the burrito atop the beef.

The jalapenos kicked my GI tract's ass. The weight of the burrito and sides, while substantial, probably would not be too hard for the normal mad-hungry diner to get through. But the fresh jalapenos certainly add a whopping kick and a formidable barrier to completion due to the heat and acidity that is imparted from start to finish.
This photo kind of shows how deep the serving plate is. The plate is clearly wide, but now you see it is deep, too. That means lots of beans and lots of rice.



See all the photos - and read some added commentary - of this burrito challenge at Rojas Restaurante Mexicano in Pueblo, Colorado by clicking this link.

My 2nd First Time

Second BBQ dinner this week, and the second encore appearance on this blog!

This time I joined T-bonz, Mommye, Guaps, and Sweet Tooth at Jim 'n Nicks. I ordered something I have never ordered before. Sure, eaten some now and then, but I have never ordered ribs before.

I got the spare ribs. The spare ribs have a deep, rich flavor of a well-marbled, perfectly and patiently pitted spare. Very delicious! Next time definitely the smoky succulence of a lean and tender baby back.

The service pretty much sucked but they have some killer pre-dinner muffin bread thingys:

Twins!

I went to take custody of the twins last night, and we went to get some dinner. Me, T-bonz, and an as-of-yet-un-nicknamed-eater-who-for-now-we-will-call-her-Sweet-Tooth. We went back to Red, Hot, & Blue for some Memphis-style BBQ. I know I already profiled this place a while ago, but this place kicks enough ass to warrant a second mention.

The service sucked. The place was dead at 7pm. But look:
That's the All-In Burger.

A 1/2-pound patty, topped with pulled pork, shredded cheese, crispy lettuce, and fresh tomato. Patty with pulled pork on top. The only negative is the bun: onion roll. Tasty, yes, but not substantial enough for the juices this burger sloughs off. The buns is at first OK, but then quickly sogs and begins to crack and fall apart.


Very delicious. It's not "All-In" in my book, but it is a good start.

Denver: It's On

On another competitive eating message board (not eatfeats.com) some guy called out Beautiful Brian. Not so long story short, they are squaring off at the table at the Nathan's qualifier in Denver. I do not know if this guy who challenged BB is for real. Or if BB will show up in Denver. But that'd be a cool thing if it happened. Gotta make the qualifiers interesting. I'm firmly on BB's side on this issue, if for no other reason than I'm right with BB as far as consumption of hot dogs goes. Maybe this guys thinks 15ish hot dogs is nothing. Certainly with the numbers Joey, Pat, Koby, etc can put up, yeah, 15 is nowhere near them. But not many people can do 30, or 20, or even 10 for that matter. So seeing them go cheek to jowl in the arena where God and Lucifer wage war for souls would be cool. Or something.

Where My Calories At?

Since I posted some pictures from my encounter with the State Champion Burger a couple of people have asked the usual "Where'd it go?" or some variation. Well, it's no mystery just simple math. Let's say my daily caloric equilibrium is 2500 calories (I think it's closer to 3000, but ok...) and the burger is, say, 5000 calories. Looking one day before, the day of, and one day after, here's the breakdown:

Saturday - the day before I ate normally but lightly, go with 1500 calories. 1000 calories banked.
Sunday - burger day. Had a serving of Bran Flakes in the morning. 2500 daily calories needed. Consumed 5000, so 2500 calories over.
Monday - severe caloric restriction. Ate less than 1000 calories. 1500 calorie deficit & banked.

+1000 - 2500 + 1500 = 0

So that's where it went.

Digger's Diner Burger

Click here to see a gallery of photos from the road trip T-bonz and I took to Brush, Colorado to take on the State Champion Burger at Digger's Diner. It's 3 pounds of ground beef, 1.5 pounds of bun, 8 slices of cheese, 1/2 a head of lettuce, 1/2 a tomato, 1/2 an onion, 3 pickle spears and 12 ounces of fries.

Take a look at the gallery now, and I will post a full write-up and video as soon as I can.